It’s been a while since I last streamed, and I find myself in a bit of a dilemma regarding the future of this channel. I’m caught between various interests and unsure where to channel my energy. A significant part of my self-employment success has been my ability to focus on discrete projects that interest me, but maintaining that focus consistently has been a challenge, especially when I’m unsure where this channel fits into my broader strategy.
Currently, I’m taking a break from law school, which has been a reliable source of intellectual stimulation. I’m also contemplating expanding my skills, particularly in comedy. While I’m confident in my writing abilities, performing on stage is another matter entirely. The thought of standing in front of a spotlight, especially in a city like Perth known for its hecklers, is daunting. I often find myself torn between the serious and the funny sides of me, but there seems to be more demand for the latter.
At nearly 45, I’m acutely aware of my finite resources and energy. I’ve experienced burnout before, and I’m determined not to go down that path again. This live stream serves as a way to talk through my thoughts, gain confidence with video, and see what resonates with the audience. However, I often find myself stretched too thin to turn these streams into something substantial.
Living in Perth requires a level of pragmatism. Unlike the American ethos where anything seems possible, I’ve had to grieve my potential and work back to what is practical and achievable for me. I can’t function in a 9-to-5 corporate setting, and the one thing I was good at—tech—is no longer a viable option. But I am funny, and I am good at writing. Many people have encouraged me to pursue comedy, but the question remains: do I have the temperament for it?
Every time I start a stream, I get anxious. This fear of video was the primary reason I began streaming—to overcome it. People don’t read long form as they used to, and the internet has changed. I’ve been on the internet for 30 years, and 20 of those years were spent turning it into my career. Now, with the landscape shifting, I’m left wondering what to do next.
Comedy writing is something I’ve always taken seriously. I have notebooks filled with jokes and essays, but the idea of getting on stage is terrifying. I’ve seen how the energy in a room shifts when a woman walks on stage, and the heckling that ensues. This internal chatter, compounded by a lifetime of negative feedback, makes me question whether I’m deluded or just afraid.
Despite these fears, I’m considering documenting my journey into comedy. Not the material itself, but the process—the fears, the planning, the decision-making. I think there’s value in showing the behind-the-scenes struggles of a 45-year-old woman deciding to pursue comedy. It’s not about seeking fame or attention; it’s about making people feel better and providing a pressure valve for the current state of the world.
I’ve always been driven by the desire to communicate feelings and experiences that resonate with others. If I can do that through comedy, then it’s worth exploring. But I need to be realistic about the market, my family commitments, and whether this is a viable path.
Ultimately, I want to make people laugh and feel hopeful. I’m tired of the hack comedy that dominates the scene, and I believe there’s a place for smart, thoughtful humor that challenges and uplifts. So, as I navigate this decision, I’m leaning towards sharing more about this journey and seeing where it leads.
Thank you for watching and supporting me. Your feedback means a lot, and I’m eager to hear if you find this process as interesting as I do. Let’s see where this takes us.