Give myself permission to be a fatarse…

Give myself permission to be a fatarse…

In the spirit of the vacuum cleaner salesman blog, in no less than two weeks I have encountered another slightly less obnoxious, but still utterly perplexing shop assistant… that seems completely unaware of the impact they have on people.

I am going to take a risk, as I am about to “out” myself. Confess my “sins” and hope for forgiveness from the society that simultaneously creates and treats eating disorders, produces packages that say “low fat and low carb”, and have fast food joints (that, by and large are responsible for our expanding arses) that sell salad. But, I am sure you will forgive me of my my mortal sin, after all, a person is more than what they look like, right?


I am fat. There. I am out. That wasn’t so bad. Argh!

But seriously. Like 60% of the planet I do not put on a pair of teeny Levis with confidence. I do not bear my midriff, and I do NOT wear mini skirts. I look more like Humphrey B Bear than Jessica Rabbit. And if you ever caught me in the Catwoman suit, you would recoil at the horror before you, thus rendering useless the need for any martial arts ability. But hey, for the most part I am ok with it. I am fairly healthy, save for a few “inborn” illnesses that I can’t help. And I try to exercise at least one a month or so (it counts as once a month when you consider the 1 month a year where I get the surge of energy and decide to exercise 4 times a week. After 3 weeks I have done my once-monthly exercise for a year! W00t!). OK, I am exaggerating, but still…

I also have PCOS, which means I have particular dietary needs and have a tremendous difficulty losing weight. However, I have managed to feel better by managing my diet. This involves, by and large, very little sugar and more protein. I tend to gravitate towards the Atkins-style diet because it helps me to manage my blood sugar without going insane from hunger. So there you go.

Part of the Atkins regimen, as the working-class medical journals (ie New Weekly & Woman’s Day) have no doubt told you, is a healthy breakfast consisting of protein and less than 10g of carbs, and enough fat to limit the insulin response. That can take the form of bacon and eggs, an omelette, or scrambled eggs if you are so inclined. Problem is, I often have trouble finding time for breakfast, which means I usually skip it or worse (Maccas).

Which leads me, in a convoluted way, to my latest idiot shopkeeper experience.
Because I tend to skip breakfast and know this is bad, I thought I would start exploring the idea of a protein shake that I can take in the car on my way to work in the morning. So, I walk into the health food shop in the Galleria and start to eye off the Max’s Shake.

All of a sudden a woman came up to me and asked if she could help me. Actually, the sentence was more like “what are you after?”. I told her that I was looking for protein shakes and that I knew what I was after. She then commenced to peruse through every shake. And, before I knew it or could even respond, she had made a list of presumptions about me:

1. I was after meal replacement shake. This is partially true, but I planned on adding a dollop of cream to it! haha! It was more about the way she said it.

2. That I wanted to lose weight with it. It would be nice, but again, the way she said was really presumptuous, like I was some idiot infomercial-believing type that a shake would help me. I couldn’t help but snap back at her “diabetes management, actually”. She ignored me and continued, offering me some “Thermal” tablets that will speed up my metabolism and help me lose weight. THen, highly offended and quite annoyed, I informed her that I am having heart surgery next month to cure a trachycardia (which is where my heart races over 200bpm causing blackouts). I asked her “do you think that taking something taht speeds up my heart would be a good idea?”

Of course, she didn’t answer. I said “I know what I am after, I’ll just look myself thanks”. She then went off rambling something about low carb diets under her breath…

Protein powders cost about $75. But I didn’t buy any. I figured I could just get up 15 minutes earlier and eat breakfast. If I have to go through that just for a shake, I am sure I could endure 15 minutes less sleep.

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