Screeeeeeawwww-ssssccch-pft-eeeeeh-schree. Hear that? That’s the sound of my modem dialing.

I Googled my favourite things on Yahoo and Ask Jeeves, went on IRC, and started learning HTML. I made my very first website.

It was bad, but it did sparkle. I also met my first husband and flunked out of Year 12 because I got sick. I often joke that I married my high school sweetheart: the internet. Nar, he’s an alright guy. He even played guitar whilst I sung Alanis Morissette’s Forgiven in front of the Governor of Western Australia.

Yes, I was always a bit of a troll.

But again, like the Mariah Carey incident of 1994, none of the adults stopped me, so…

Yes, there’s a VHS tape somewhere. Yes, I have accepted that it may resurface one day. Yes, I am grateful to not have had TikTok.

I also did work experience for Channel 9 Perth. I tagged along on a documentary thing about parrots. I flew in the helicopter. That’s all I remember.