Téa Smith: Whimsy

Impossible Humans

Téa Smith — Mon, 12 Dec 2022 00:29:00 GMT

What if ChatGPT decides being human is impossible?

What if AI, in its final state, with access to all the world’s knowledge, past and present… all of our lessons and moral dilemmas from history, all possible thoughts and scenarios, understanding of every field, and all the other things…

…actually ends up holding humans in the highest regard, knowing how utterly impossible it is to live without the lizard brain and messy, ugly emotions that actually drive most of our decisions?

What if the robots are smart enough to know that being a human is actually quite miraculous, doesn’t actually make any sense, and if you were able to compute the extent of that, you’d also be in awe of us?

I mean, we’re pretty great.

Yes, even the people at Costco who were not wearing shoes and holding 2 roast chickens and a toddler. Can a robot do that? I think not.

Honest Social Media Advice 2022

Téa Smith — Tue, 08 Mar 2022 16:27:23 GMT

Here’s your Honest Social Media and Digital Marketing Trends and Insights for 2022 (yeah I saw a few remaining uncharred pieces of the bridges I am having fun burning lol):

Everyone who knows anything about it and is actually good has quit. It’s been crap since 2018. I called it.
Tech is now Big Tobacco and Monsanto levels of evil/unethical and anyone who says otherwise is either a dimwit who doesn’t understand the Internet and what happened, or lying, so keep your money and I’ll tell you what to do for free*.
Be as stupid as possible and all you need to do is speak truthfully about literally anything and you’ll get in the paper for a cycle. PR is stupidly easy and journalism is dead. Use it.
Say generic, empty, platitudes and then boost it with a few bucks. Don’t bother trying to create anything original.
If anyone is telling you that you can pay them to get organic reach, RUN. They’re lying. Social is now 100% pay-to-play and the agencies now own virality – either through some sort of influencer/disinfo (what’s the difference) campaign, PPC or buying Likes to stuff up your numbers and they’re ripping you off. Or, you know, that whole disinformation stick and takedowns if all else fails.
Get your tits out and do OnlyFans instead.
Definitely see 4 if you are a girl and not already rich, and they’re telling you to Learn to Code. Especially then. Seriously. I’m not joking. Don’t bother being smart. Men on the Internet REALLY don’t like it and you’ll be happier making peace with this as early as possible.
Anyone who says Metaverse, MarTech, FemTech, FinTech, Behavioural, Decentralisation, ‘Win-Win’ or any combination or misspelling/variation of those words is also not to be trusted. The internet was decentralised and free, and these arseholes stole it from us and are simply trying to sell it back to us.

Bonus for Agency Owners: Use Fiverr and pocket the difference. There’s no point. Seriously. Nobody cares about your values or paying designers and producers fairly or not ripping off clients. See Number 1. Otherwise, implement all of the above and send me a PayPal donation for the trouble.

*I don’t work for free. But you can pay me to Shut Up on Patreon if you want. 15% discount if you pay annually and months do not roll over.

No I am not lying.

See?

Parliamentary!: The Game Show

Téa Smith — Thu, 15 Mar 2018 23:22:00 GMT

The Show You've Always Wanted (and Everybody Needs)

Ladies and gentlemen, brace yourselves for the most exhilarating reality show to ever grace the airwaves: Parliamentary! It’s the show you never knew you needed. Get ready to be entertained, engage in witch hunts, and get your fill of human suffering, comically bad ideas and tribal bickering – without t…

Some more quality Mina pwnage, just for you, Rob…

Téa Smith — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 01:37:42 GMT

Jason: “How come Mina gets so many parties? She’s had more than I have in my whole life.”

Téa: “heh, I dunno… last year didn’t really count as a party… but you can have one this year if you want one.”

Jason: “Yeah, I WILL. I am going to invite ALL my friends to my awesome party.”

Mina: “But you don’t have any friends!!”

Jason: “I will invite all my Facebook…

You know you are a nerd, when…

Téa Smith — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 00:25:04 GMT

The SEO Rapper is here to tell you about Page Rank.

Proving my theory that all great rappers are nerds right…

Nellie McKay on the View is the Best

Téa Smith — Fri, 18 May 2007 01:52:00 GMT

The best artist you've never heard of

Everything about this is perfect. Joy laughing. Star Jones’ face. 10/10 troll, Nellie.

Happy Sweet 16, Internet.

Téa Smith — Tue, 14 Nov 2006 16:54:48 GMT

The Internet turned 16 yesterday.

I thought this was kind of appropriate. When I think about “the internet”, I can certainly liken it to a 16 year old:

It is often a place of mystery and bemusement for older generations;
it tends to attract predators, bullies and weirdoes who just want to look at teenage boobs;
it is often hard to understand the language it…

Spam with no point.

Téa Smith — Tue, 11 Jul 2006 07:26:11 GMT

No link. No attachment. nothing. Just this:

Well, we’re going to do it in reverse. Watch!” I threw the first nut. Not
“This is very fascinating, Dr Pilman, but actually I was thinking more Kirill.
No limits, Jonathan? he thought. Well, then, the time’s not distant

Hmmm?

This is an archived post from before 2019 and may reflect outdated information or opinion…

I just saw the funniest thing…

Téa Smith — Tue, 11 Jul 2006 00:52:17 GMT

Donald Grump on Sesame Street.

Even her dreams are nerdy.

Téa Smith — Wed, 31 May 2006 07:54:55 GMT

Never mix Flash 8 with House and too much coffee and then try and sleep.

Imagine me, in a room with Dr House. Burns victim in front of us.

I turn to Dr House and say “he’s not tweening properly — the alpha won’t work!”.

Dr House turns around to me and says “Maybe you should go into the button and then group it as a graphic symbol. He’ll be out by Tuesday.”

…

Misinterpretation…as usual.

Téa Smith — Wed, 24 May 2006 04:29:32 GMT

D-Listed had a photo caption competition for this picture.

My first thought?

“Once again, the psycho net mothers miss the point and say “oh no, she’s BOTTLEFEEDING!”

YouTube Anonymous

Téa Smith — Thu, 27 Apr 2006 02:13:59 GMT

I am officially addicted to YouTube. It seems to be the next big thing, after Google and Blogger, and, with Flash video making life easier for everyone these days, and most people having broadband, YouTube is, well, already huge and WILL get bigger. I just love being able to search for just about anything and find some video on it. Not to mention the nu…

Oh. my. word.

Téa Smith — Wed, 19 Apr 2006 02:26:28 GMT

The stupidity of advertising agencies revealed(JPEG Image, 800×530 pixels)

There are no words. Courtesy of DListed.

Overheard on the Bold and the Beautiful…

Téa Smith — Tue, 18 Apr 2006 01:01:31 GMT

Ridge: “I have two sisters who are relying on you to be a father to their baby. You stop this [with Brooke] or I will. How is that, Little Brother?”

If any phrase sums up that show, this is it. Ew.

This is an archived post from before 2019 and may reflect outdated information or opinions. It’s included here for historical context, and future embarrassment…

The Wisdom of Grandma

Téa Smith — Tue, 13 Dec 2005 04:00:55 GMT

My Grandmother shares the most practical argument so far for the banning of the abortion-drug RU-486:

“I don’t think that RU-486 should be available because all those babies will go down the drain. There’ll be Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle-like babies running around all over the place and they’ll take over.”

This is an archived post from before 2019 and may…

No-So-Lean, Green, Fighting Machine.

Téa Smith — Tue, 21 Dec 2004 20:59:43 GMT

I had an interview for a great position today. It was shit. And I am a complete loser. Let me tell you why.

I applied for a position with the WA Greens for the election. A part-time paid position, coordinating volunteers, coordinating how-to-votes, booth kits, etc. It is a great position, with flexibility and the chance to prove myself politically. I got…

I am like Hasselhoff in here…

Téa Smith — Thu, 25 Nov 2004 19:20:07 GMT

How many times have you heard the oft-said phrase “They’re big in Japan”? We all know about the Mr. Sparkle fiasco, and my own favourite singer, Lisa Loeb, having quite a significant market over there. I am also the first to snigger when I hear about David Hasselhoff having quite the reputation for being big everywhere it doesn’t count (ooooh a double e…